Puck's Epic Plan
by purrpickle
Summary: Puck and Brittany want in on the deliciousness that is Rachel and Santana dating, but both have been told it's never going to happen. Puck, in his everlasting wisdom, has come up with a plan that's going to work. He's sure of it. Pezberry and slight P/B.


**A/N: **I don't own Glee nor the characters within. Okay, this is _slightly _connected to chapter ten of my Pezberry one-shot collection Scraps, but you don't need to have read that to get it. Currently, I'm marking this as complete, but I'm not one hundred percent sure it'll stay that way. Jus' sayin'. Anyway, this contains Pezberry and small amounts of... Puckiny? Bruck? is there even a name for it? because both Brittany and Puck are sexual beings.

* * *

Puck strode up to Brittany at her locker, hands in his pockets and a self satisfied smirk on his face. "Hey, Britt," he called out, nodding at her as she looked over at him, "Got a minute?"

Brittany raised her eyebrows. "Uhm, sure," she pulled her backpack out of her locker and swung it onto her shoulder, closing her locker door, "But if you want to copy my math homework, I haven't copied Becky's yet."

Puck shook his head, "No, the Puckasaurus ain't stupid. I already got one of the nerds to do it for me."

"Oh!" Bobbing her head, Brittany asked, "Which one?"

"Eh, they all look alike. Like losers."

"Oh. True." Staring at him impassively, it looked like Brittany was waiting for something.

Remembering that he hadn't gotten around to the point of searching out the blonde cheerleader, Puck smiled lecherously at her. "So, Satan and the Jewish American Princess, huh?"

A smile slid across Brittany's face, and she beamed. "If you're talking about Santana and Rachel, yeah! Totally." Her eyes slightly crossed as she unfocused off to her right. "So. Hot," she breathed.

"_Smokin_' hot!" Puck nodded eagerly, walking around to slide his arm over Brittany's shoulders, looking up and down the hall before bringing her in conspiratorially, "And you want in on it, don't you? Get a piece of that _epic_ lady-lovin' pie? With both Santana _and _Rachel, you just _know _that shit would be _insane_!"

Brittany looked at him, furrowing her brow a little. "Are you talking about an intervention?" she asked, looking depressed, "Because people always cry at interventions, and I don't want to make them cry."

"Wha – no!" Puck shook his head. "I'm talking about _sex_!"

Brittany's mouth dropped. "But they _both _told me I couldn't join _or _watch!" she pouted, crossing her arms, and Puck squeezed her shoulders before dropping his arm.

"That's what they told me, too," he answered. Then, looking up and down the hallway again, he leaned in close and lowered his voice, smiling broadly. "But I think I figured somethin' out! You see," his mouth curled up, "I'm a genius. Didn't Rachel say something like, 'if Puck can't, you can't?'"

Brittany nodded sadly.

"Well… _What if we were both there_?"

Brittany frowned. "I don't understand," she played with the straps of her backpack, shaking her head, "They already said we can't."

"No," Puck shook his head, looking at her with a serious expression on his face, "Listen to me. If either of us were alone with them, they'd know something was up and kick our asses and keep us hangin'. But if it was the _both _of us, they'd have _no reason_ to suspect anything!"

"Wait, wait." Looking up at Puck, Brittany's lips pursed as she obviously ran through things in her brain. "Like, I go out with you, but we'd also be out with Santana and Rachel?" she finally asked.

"Exactly!" Puck nodded. "Three hot babes, one prime and always ready sex shark, add our old friend Jack Daniels and my house, and _bam_! Not even _their _iron wills could resist us. We'd be _in_." He flexed his arms, smiling smugly, "Fuck. Yes."

Brittany's eyes were big as she stared at him. When she didn't say anything or change her expression, Puck started to worry she'd had one of those weird stroke-seizure-thingies, but a giant smile suddenly broke across her face. "You're so _smart_!" she squealed. "But, wait." She frowned again, "What if they _don_'_t_ go for it?"

Puck shrugged, "Then I'll sleep with you."

Brittany's smile instantly appeared again, "Okay! Deal."

"Awesome!" Grabbing her arm, Puck started leading her down the hallway towards their homeroom, ready to start scheming with her. God. He always surprised himself with how completely and totally fucking amazing he was.

"I have one question, though," Brittany looked at him blankly, startling him from his thoughts.

"Yeah?"

She tilted her head, "You said _three _hot babes. Who's the third one?"

Puck sighed. "You, Britt."

"Oh. Okay. But, then who's Jack?"


End file.
